Saturday, July 13, 2013

The Trench Commandments

The Trench Commandments – Buzzard Style

1.       Though shalt heed none other than the TrenchMaster
2.       Keep your water bottle under your wing and thirst not
3.       Keep a cap on you crown lest you sizzle your synapses
4.       If you gotta-go, go, but you don’t guano go and leave a mess behind
5.       Keep your tail feathers off the walls lest ye knock down stones
6.       Keep you talons and your tools off the scarp lest ye crumble its perfect line
7.       Keep your naked claws off the charcoal samples for surely you will contaminate its ancient purity with your base pairs of DNA
8.       Peck a trench – not a hole … (unless the TrenchMaster tells you to dig out a pit)
9.       Peck with care for gouging goddesses and shattering their sacred vessels offendeth the TrenchMaster
10.   Keep one eye out for the flying picks of others and one on your own, lest you gouge or be gouged
11.   Expose not the treasures of the ancients to outsiders who may covet their beauty for the sake of a quick sale
12.   Fling not your dirt (or bones or shards) into the wrong bucket, lest you sorely grieve the TrenchMaster
13.   Pollute not your trench, your site, or your nest with your garbage and plastic for you will incur the wrath of your nestlings and neighbours
14.   Never trust a stone in a scarp without the blessings of the TrenchMaster … it can let you down and you will be sorely bruised.
15.   Keep your beak out of the Ozo bottle until the last shard is out of its bath
16.   Your pottery washing is not done until everyone’s pottery washing is done
17.   Never dis a purple idea … remember human flight was once a purple idea

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